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A Whole New Level of Focus

December 29, 2013

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Today I’m flying back to LA after three weeks in Seattle, and I couldn’t be more excited about the new year, in a completely unexpected way.  

In the last three weeks, I have not worked retail and have been first and foremost, an artist.  I ran 31 performances of “Land of the Sweets: the Burlesque Nutcracker”, filmed a trailer for “ShaDynasty”, the webseries I wrote, filmed a drag parody music video, and had a planning meeting for the next cabaret I’ll be producing/directing/performing in.  Phew!  It’s been a whirlwind. I am exhausted and deliriously happy.

In addition to being completely fulfilled as an artist, I also allowed myself some liberties that I haven’t over the last year.  As I was preparing to move to LA, and then again once I was there, I fretted over every dollar spent.  I’m a bit of a spendthrift and a hedonist, and so every time I went out to eat, bought a bottle of wine, spent money on something frivolous, I beat myself up about it afterward.  But for these three weeks, I was in a place where I felt financially stable, and so I didn’t worry about how much I was spending or on what.  True, some of it was for things like a wig for my music video, but even so, it was incredibly liberating to indulge my base desires and let my id run free for a bit.

Now as I go back to LA, I don’t feel the need to overspend on food, on booze, on material goods.  I don’t have the compulsion that has been everpresent for the last year to spend money despite knowing that I shouldn’t, then put myself in the doghouse over it.  And with that comes a new level of focus that I haven’t felt in a long time.  My compulsion now is to not to feed my id, my inner (and outer) hedonist, but instead to feed my artistic soul, to take care of my body, and to actually put in the time to make my dreams a reality.

I feel completely rejuvenated as I return to my new home, with a level of focus that fills me with excitement and joy.  I can’t wait to share the next year with all of you.

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